King Hamlet, triumphant leader of the Danish people and undefeated conqueror, died from the venom of a snake bite this morning in his freshly groomed, green-and-white garden.

Hamlet, who was believed to late 50’s at the time of his death, according to Shakespeare historian and Urban English teacher Cathleen Sheehan, was a fighter from the start, and an ideal candidate for his future position.  His younger brother, Claudius fueled his fire with their endless competitions.

Once he met his lovely wife, Queen Gertrude, though, a softer side broke though his hardened heart.  As his apparently disturbed and grieving son, Hamlet, described him, the elder Hamlet was “so excellent a king, that was to this hyperion to a satyr; so loving to my mother that he might not between the winds of heaven visit her face too roughly.”

Soon after King Hamlet’s death, the widowed Queen Gertrude and Claudius, married.  Sources say they appear to be very happy together.

The elder Hamlet is survived by his son, Hamlet, his wife — and now sister-in-law — Gertrude, and his younger brother, Claudius.

Hamlet’s life and death was  remembered in The Gumption Theater at The Urban School this past week.