Well, Urban, it’s that time of year again and summer is just around the corner. No idea what you’re going to do? Upset and confused at the prospect of no homework? Feel abandoned, or rather, suspended, in a void with no foreseeable way out? Look no further than just below this sentence. I present to you, a list of 10 things to occupy the lonely hours of this summer.
Build a durable outdoor fort out of wood or perhaps even bricks. Then go to the dump and decorate it with items you find there. TIME: three days to three months, depending on dedication. COST: $30 to $200 depending on your wood man.
Ask your middle school crush out. See if he/she was worth all that time and energy. TIME: three hours. COST: $0 to $50 (but please don’t spend fifty dollars on your middle school crush).
Set your alarm clock for 3:33 a.m. one night and sneak out of your house. Don’t do anything dangerous, just stand there and look at the moon. Do a dance. TIME: However long you want. You could stay and watch the sunrise. COST: Free.
Get all your friends together on the beach and burn your SAT Prep books. TIME: four hours. COST: Again, depends on your wood man.
Get a job. Then, hide a camera within your workplace. Every time one of your coworkers does something wacky, look directly at the camera like you are Jim from The Office. TIME: Entire summer. COST: Cameras can cost anywhere from $10 to $80. But you are going to be making money from your job, so you do the math.
Buy a Slip N’ Slide, but don’t use it. Take pictures of it gathering dust in your backyard. Title pictures: Drought. TIME: two hours. COST: $19.61
Look up all your teachers in the phone book. Don’t call them. But know that they are there. TIME: one hour. COST: Free!
Go to the pier and stow away on an avocado barge. When you are found, offer to work your way to the next destination. You may be charged in maritime court, but you will DEFINITELY have an adventure. TIME: Well, you know, it really depends. COST: Free!
Leave a treasure map in a park. Have a person follow a series of very complicated steps that eventually lead to a mirror. Next to the mirror, blast the song “Treasure.” So nice. TIME: one day to design map and course. COST: Free!
Summer Functions!!!!!! TIME: Six weeks. COST: Free, if you go to Urban. So $40,000.