Imagine a childhood with no play dates or sleepovers; three hours a day of practicing violin or piano; and an expectation of straight A’s in every class. Welcome to the parenting of Amy Chua, a Yale Law professor whose new book about her parenting style, titled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, was published on Jan. 11.
On Jan. 8, an excerpt from Chua’s book was printed in The Wall Street Journal. Headlined “Why Chinese Mothers are Superior,” the excerpt contrasted Western and Eastern parenting. Read Urban students’ reactions to the article, as reported by the The Urban Legend.
“When Western parents think they are being strict, they usually don’t come close to being Chinese mothers,” Chua wrote. “For example, my Western friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes a day, an hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the first hour is easy. It’s hours two and three that get tough.” She later describes an incident when her youngest daughter, Lulu, struggled over a difficult piano piece. Chua did not allow her to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom until she mastered the piece.
What kind of parenting is that? Not letting your own kid use the bathroom? If my mother did not let me use the bathroom until I mastered a piece, I would associate anger and frustration with playing the piano.
Amy Chua focuses on I.Q., but not on E.Q. — emotional intelligence. Play dates and sleepovers, experiences her daughters never had growing up, can define and affect one’s childhood. Working hard in school is admirable, yet it is important to have the ability to chose one’s activities, along with the freedom to hang out with friends.
When Urban students were asked to react to Chua’s parenting, many were critical. “I would not like (the parenting style),” said Claire Conkin, ’13. “I would hate my parents.” Adds Walker Willett, ’13: “You (would) lack social skills.” Like Conklin, he would be unhappy with a mom like Chua because he would be deprived of the opportunity to make decisions that would equip him with emotional intelligence.
The importance of knowing the fundamental skills of teamwork and cooperation is not addressed in Chua’s parenting. To be successful in life, one needs to know how to work and help others, not only receive perfect grades.
It would be one thing if Chua’s daughters preferred to play the piano instead of going on a sleepover. But they never had a choice. I’m glad I did.
Recently, Urban’s Parent Association created a contract aimed at creating rules that facilitate parent communication around the subject of substance abuse by students. I agree with the many Urban students who have expressed anger towards this contract, because it discourages communication within families and treats kids as though they all have the same wants and needs. Similarly, Chua’s parenting style ignores the fact that not all kids are created equal, and will not fit into the Chua mold.
If I had a tiger mom, I would not have the social skills I have had the opportunity to develop. I would value friendships less and feel uncomfortable interacting and talking with others. I wouldn’t have gone to Urban, because my mother would be grade-oriented and wouldn’t send me to a school where we didn’t receive graded assignments.
Saddest of all, if I had a tiger mom, I would not have a close relationship with my mother. I wouldn’t know who I am, because I would have a mom telling me who I should be.