Dear Yeti,
How do I manage friend dynamics when we disagree on the importance of SARS-CoV-2 precautions?
-quarantined chicken

Dear Quarantined Chicken,
This is seriously a tough question! I think it’s crucial that you communicate with your friends. Let them know how much you value their friendship, but also don’t be afraid to speak your mind. If they truly value your friendship, they should value your comfortability level. If it makes you too uncomfortable to hang out with people who see COVID-19 differently, tell them this. Make it about you and how you feel instead of focusing on what your friends are doing differently. Your friends’ response is out of your control, but just remember to put your mental and physical well being above peer pressure!

-The Yeti

Dear Yeti,
I feel like my whole family expects me to be a perfect child, but I am different from them. They always say stuff like turn on your camera during zoom and you need to get a 100 on everything. I feel really mad and whenever I confront them they just guilt me saying that it’s like I don’t care about college. I have an older sister that is super perfect too. My sister also always says that my friends are the ‘popular, mean girls’ of the school and I act differently around them. I disagree completely and I want her to see that. I think she might just be jealous because I have a bunch of friends and she has just a few. What should I do? I need help ASAP!
-Expectations

Dear Expectations,
I hope this help comes in time for you! I want to begin by saying that it’s always helpful to stray away from assuming the way others feel. Rather than telling yourself that your sister is jealous, maybe talk to her. Ask her about why she thinks your friends are “mean girls.” Try not to take a defensive stance, and instead show genuine interest in her opinions. But, at the same time, you know yourself best, and if you and your sister disagree about your friends, trust that if your friendships make you feel good and are positive additions to your life, then it’s your right to keep them in your life.
When you speak about your family, I think it’s interesting how you use the word “confront.” I would go about conversing with your parents in a similar way to your sister. Try first to understand what makes you feel so different from them. It is quite common for kids to be very different from their parents. This can make it hard for parents to connect because they lack understanding of their child’s needs and unique personality. Tell your parents how you feel, but remember “I” statements are gold when it comes to good communication. Give your parents a chance to see how you feel, and hopefully, this will help them understand how they can best support your unique needs!

-The Yeti

Dear Yeti,
Hi. I know my friend is feeling very down and might even be hurting themselves. How can I help them?
-idc

Dear Idc,
The Yeti reached out to Kaern to help answer this question. She would like to emphasize that some helpful advice for the reader is; “if you are worried about a friend you can talk over your concerns with a trusted adult or school counselor or if appropriate suggest that your friend do so directly.” For the friend; “the gradient of self-harm is large; higher intensity self-harm should not remain between friends; a counselor, parent, teacher, or trusted outside person will better serve the situation.”
Adding on to Kaern, I think it’s really important that you create a safe space in which your friend feels comfortable to share with you. However, also take care of yourself, make sure you’re not taking on too much as a helper. Your concern and care for your friend really shine through in your question. I can see how much you want to be able to help them, but sometimes the best help we can give is to step back and acknowledge some things may be beyond us. The relevance of your question is important to acknowledge because both depression and self-harm grow and can sustain themselves in isolation. You also bring up the larger question of ‘what is your place when a friend is struggling?’ Though I cannot answer this for you specifically, some strategies are to ask questions and then simply listen. You can share what you are seeing as their friend, but let the person name their own problems.
I’m glad you’re looking out for your friend, and hope you find some of these strategies helpful.
-The Yeti

Dear Yeti,
I had a pretty solid friend group last year, but it fell apart and didn’t have a lot of people to sit with/talk to. I was hoping to find a new friend group, but then the coronavirus hit. I already feel super awkward intruding on other people’s friend groups because I’m afraid I won’t fit in or be lost when they crack inside jokes and now it’s even more difficult for me; it’s hella awkward to ask for a zoom link… I feel like I’m burdening other people and ruining everything. I’m a very extroverted person and feel super cramped up when I don’t have someone to talk/laugh with. I know everyone said that friend groups will change over the years, but I’m afraid high school will go by quickly and I won’t have any good memories to look back on when I’m older.
-A tired student

Dear Tired Student,
The fear of high school flying by quickly is extremely relatable, particularly during this hard time! It’s completely valid to be afraid that your high school experience won’t leave you with many good memories. However, I challenge you not to let fear rule. Often fear is counterproductive, it stops us from doing things outside of our comfort zone. You mentioned that you feel like a burden and afraid you won’t fit in. These are all assumptions you’re making, and you don’t know if they’re true. The first time you ask for a zoom link, you may feel uncomfortable, but as you get to know people better, you may feel more comfortable over time. It sucks and often the beginning of friendships feels strange, but I encourage you to take the leap, trust that you are an amazing person, and find people you connect with who make you feel good in your own skin. In these super stressful times, also remember that many people are struggling socially and the importance of self-care. This may mean taking time to do art, diving into your spirituality, or perhaps even taking a bath. Whatever it is, make sure to take time for yourself!
-The Yeti